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My relationship with food

It’s that time of year again, the time of year I hate the most, when the clocks change, it’s dark before work and after work, alot more colder, everyone’s talking about Christmas and they even start advertising it way before Halloween has even arrived. I definitely find the summer easier for keeping fit and eating healthy as for me makes me eat less and want to train more due to the fact that your obviously going to be wearing less clothes with the heat but also because you don’t want heavy food in the summer. Winter is depressing and its so about being indoors, warm and comfort eating and I forever make this mistake every year making which makes all that hard work from losing weight and getting fit a waste but no this year, I’m proud to say that I’m still keeping fit, eating healthy and at times indulging because what is life if you can’t, if you deprive yourself you always end up giving in ten times more. So were in Novemember and I’m still going strong but on Christmas day I will be indulging, normally my cheat day normally consists of a big bag of crisps and a big bag of chocolate and that’s it, I’ll still have a healthy breakfast and dinner but on Christmas day it’s always a full day of indulging and why not. The thing that’s been alot harder for me though over the past few months hasn’t been the seasons changing but in general stress from trying to find myself and sort my life out, life is always going to be full of ups and downs and it’s remembering that every thing that happens in life is temporary, pain, stress, anxiety it doesn’t last forever and I’ve been through it over the past 3 months which I’ve bounced back from but I’ve always been one that has had a real struggle with it which has in return effected what I have eaten. Food for me is the hardest part of any weightloss journey, exercise for me is easy because you can pretty much do anything that burns calories and keeps you fit such as walking, skipping, swimming, even cleaning where as food is more difficult, okay so you can easily cut down calories but just because something is small in calories doesn’t mean it’s the same with the sugar, fat or salt and it’s three meals a day you have to think of as well as snack. Diets work for the time you comitt to it but when you come off it what do you eat? The same stuff you were eating before your diet and there you have it again, weight gain which is why I will never follow a diet again, the only time I think it’s acceptable is if you have Like 2 weeks to get into an outfit and you accept that it’s a short term solution for fast results.

My diet right now is literally whatever I want but in moderation and of course healthy for instance yesterday my breakfast was porridge, lunch was a soup with fruit and dinner was pasta, cheese and tuna, I washed it down with prosecco because it was Friday and it was needed after a long day in the office. Tonight I’m going to being having some pop corn in front of a movie with a bit of chocolate because I can because I have worked my ass off all week, so I’m fine when it comes to eating healthy and treating myself once in a while but my depression and stress effects what I eat because I used too turn to food for comfort and many years ago when I was a teenager I had a binge eating disorder, yep there I said it, a binge eating disorder is when you eat large volumes of food until you feel sick and then become upset about it afterwards, it’s normally planned in advance where the foods are bought ready for a binge or if it’s not planned then it’s just you finding whatever you can in a rush and act of desperation picking and eating numerous items in your home to binge on and anyone that’s ever had this knows that it can be easily triggered when you go through similar situations that started it off in the first place ie; stress, insecurities etc its something I’ve dealt with my whole life, not the binge eating disorder but the depression and when I had the disorder it started from depression so I instantly link that with food, when one is sad one eats and food is an addiction, we cannot live without it and it’s always around but I have had to learn how to turn to other things during stress or hard times such as exercise, meditation, reading, walking or eating something healthier (which my fav healthy snack is hummus and carrot sticks) over the years I have realised that binging is not going to make my stress go away it’s going to make me worse, it’s been literally years since I have binged and instead if I am going to indulge then it will be in small doses to avoid a relasp of what I once had.

This is why fitness is so important because it relieves stress, depression, anxiety and just overall puts you in a better place, another reason not to deprive yourself espeically when you’ve had any eating disorder is because when you eventually give in it can lead to other disorders such as bulimia and anorexia which is something that you have to deal with your whole life, losing weight can be addictive, dangerous and scary because you don’t know how your going to feel when you get to your goal weight, carry on, try lose more or set another goal etc this is the reason why I won’t weigh myself because I have been the person that gets way too addictive.

This year I have dropped nearly two dress sizes and it’s taken around 8/9 months not like when I was younger when it took about 3 or 4 because I haven’t rushed it, I have taken my time and not followed a diet, I have tried out new foods and snacks such as fish, quorn, hummus, nuts and seeds and I have not deprived myself either. I used to have something bad and then think f**k it I’ll eat crap all day rather then just carry on being healthy and say oh I’ll just start again tomorrow, now I’ll eat whatever it is that’s my guilty treat is and carry on, I’ve realised that you can’t always be guilty and feel bad then get upset and angry about it because all that does is lower your mood and make you feel like a failure. Last night I was craving chocolate ehich I haven’t had all week and normally my cheat day is a Saturday, I went to bed early in order to wake up and go for a lone run despite it being my cheat day I love running, running is my life, going for miles and inhaling in nature, it rejuvenated me, made me feel like I was untouchable and free with the world and of course I brought my tripod with my to capture the moment.

So what’s next for me, carry on with my fitness and carry on making it part of my life with my healthy eating, not letting my depression take over me, not going back to old eating habits and looking forward, it’s been a crazy year due to unfortunate circumstances and 2019 I’m ready for you.

For anyone that’s got themselves into a binge eating disorder as I stated above know it can lead to bulimia and anorexia which is so dangerous, I follow these steps when I feel a binge coming from being emotional or having a bad day and yes it can be spurned on by anything, it’s like being stressed and craving a drink or cigarette if you were once a smoker. These things have massively helped me.

  1. Going for a run/walk
  2. Writing in my journal my thoughts/feelings
  3. Making a healthy snack or prepare a meal
  4. Trying on clothes for motivation
  5. Looking up health and fitness images and videos on is instagram
  6. Read a blog/upload new content
  7. Visit family

By the time you have done any of these things you will forget about your binge and feel a whole lot better and obviously if you do want to indulge then do so but carefully.

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